SELBORNE CAR STORIES
The following Selborne car stories are all courtesy of a man with the most prodigious memory, Stephen Mullineux aka 'Gareth Foodlesquink':
"I think it was Mattheus Haus (also a good musician and now head of the Red Cross Children's Hospital in CT...matric class of '67, I think) who went to pick up his girlfriend (Alison Harmuth?). He forgot to pull on the handbrake and the car went off driverless down that large tract of grassed land near the Dolphin Hotel, taking a wide turn, and eventually endin up in the far distance, but undamaged! They decided not to go on their date that night (they were going to the Summerpride Drive-In). Spike De Zeeuw was with me (in the old music rooms) when Mattheus told this story...I wonder if Spike remembers. He may have a different version from me, of course!
Then, do you remember that George Yiangou was trapped by the cops in 1970 doing 70mph down the Old Transkei Road in his Dad's Triumph Spitfire? George thought it a big joke (he laughed at anything!), but I guess his Dad didn't. George didn't have a licence then either.
I also remember a few chaps that came to school in smart cars. Although quite a few years ahead of us, there was a chap named Richard Kerbell who had a 50cc Suzuki and then, on turning 18 in his matric year, came to school in a massive and rather new Pontiac Parisienne. There was also a chap in our class in 1965 (surname Beard) who had a brother in the College who bought a 50cc motorbike (an Itom I think) for R3 at the beginning of the year and sold it again for R3 at the end of the year! In 1965 we boys used to stand on the Primary side of the fence and walk up and down admiring the 50cc bikes on the College side. Although we did not have much contact with the College boys, we seemed to know who owned what. A new 50cc Suzuki, Honda or Yamaha all cost R120 then.
Barry Steidlen had a Fiat, with a sign on the dash that read "That's right, slam the bloody door!" which we thought was rather cool. Then that Latin teacher had an old (1940?) black car with the name 'Tumbleweed' in large letters on the boot. Piet Hough had a rather well looked-after, 'though oldish, DKW. It was a light blue with a white top, I think, but it was impeccably clean.
Well do I remember Spike De Zeeuw's dad's car. I seem to remember he had two cars, both of which were rather old. One day, Spike's dad arrived at the school and drove past us boys on his way to the front of the school and some chap (Ozzie Schlenkrich I think) shouted "RACER!" as the old car clattered past. It was extremely funny to me then. I also seem to remember that Spike's dad was a chiropodist and a keen tennis player and coach.
And then, of course, there was that unfortunate incident with Miss Laden's car between the trees, which Jock, the Headboy, masterminded...HAH! I think you told us that all Mr Stonier said to you was "Mr McConnachie, I am very disappointed" and left it at that. You got off easily on that one, Jock!"
CLASSROOM CLASSICS
Certain incidents stand out in our memories mostly of things totally unrelated to the serious stuff of learning.
These memories are, once again, courtesy of Stephen Mullineux:
"On the topic of Dronkie Muller's class, do you remember those two "ceiling hangings" held up by gob-blobs? The one was Superman in a typical flying pose. The other was Snoopy on his kennel flying across the classroom at ceiling height. Someone from some other class put them up there. Also in Mr Muller's class I remember 'Locky' Brown compiled a list (circa Std 7) of all the boys in the class with a column in which he asked each to tick off if they had masturbated. We then passed this through the class for each chap to tick off. Only one chap in the class didn't tick off and after we confronted him and said he need not be ashamed to admit it, he still denied he had ever done it. I remember the chap and his name will but will not mention it here...the innocent must be protected!
'Locky' Brown was also a good guitarist. During a singing lesson in Mr Bilsbury's room, he once entertained us with his guitar. Remember? He was rather disappointed at the end because he had forgotten to play 'My Baby does the Hanky-Panky' which was not only a recent hit, but a tune that allowed him to show off his talents the best. Yeah!"
'Gareth' also recalls Steven Sarantos taking a quart of beer out of his suitcase in Dronkie's class on a Friday afternoon and hiding it under his books. He speculates that it must have been for 'use' after school. No, surely not 'Gareth'! It must have been to reward Dronkie for his fine efforts during the week.
IN THE SPIRIT OF OF H C BOSMAN
It was already apparent from the emails that were generated during the run-up to the reunion that the Class of '70 boasts some excellent story-tellers and it was clear there was going to be a lot of competition for who could tell the best story of the reunion.
Someone who showed himself to be a top-contender was Richard ('Pop') Peter.
'Pop' has a turn of phrase which other raconteurs (the names of Steenkamp and Coetzer spring to mind) were hard-pressed to match.
He recalled the impromptu musical performance which he, Johnno & Andrew [Coetzer] put on with mixed reception at one of the gatherings during our 25th reunion in 1995: "In '95 at Old Boys a few of us hijacked the one man band and delivered a very cacophonic and out of tune version of 'Wild Thing' while the official bard looked on very helplessly and nervously at his expensive equipment being given the 'Townshend' treatment. Maybe this year we'll get to the 2nd verse."
In another email to Simon Curran he wrote:
"Hello Gunner Curran
How could I ever forget the gunner who marched constantly out of step in front of me for 6 weeks until he was mercifully transferred to the Transport Unit where for the next 8 months his whereabouts could be ascertained by the sound of the grating Bedford gears. Wasn't your name the most bellowed on the Youngsfield parade ground? I think your excuse for being so unsure footed was that you had been on a SAF marine ship for 6 months previously and were taking a whileto adjust to a surface that didn't pitch.
How're things going you old bullet? In '95 I had a brief discussion with you. You were living opposite the school directly in line with where the Norton House milk raiders used to forage at night.
Can't wait to see all you guys in October and see whose belly wobbles the most when they laugh."
Simon responded mentioning that he had recently bumped into Barry ('Baz') Steidlen, our former science teacher.
This prompted 'Pop' to comment:
"[Barry’s] science teaching idiosyncrasies were a breath of fresh air for me...Baz was laidback and laconic with a Kalahari-dry sense of humour. [He] was the chalkboard artist. To illustrate any complex scientific point he would wipe the board with a chalk-stained science lab coat sleeve and proceed to scribble spider shapes on the blackboard, stand back ponder his effort, shake his head, wipe it off and start again until his point had been made. His quixotic artistic displays fascinated 10B, especially the usually unsettled Coetzer/Voogt under the radar section at the back of the class. Baz would shoot anyone who dared giggle at his artistic attempts a withering, threatening glare. Between Baz, old man Champ and Dronkie Muller, there was enough comic potential to blow down the roof at any Vegas auditorium."
One of my personal favourites which I think sums up how most of us felt about the approaching reunion was 'Pop's' response to the first news that it was being organised: "Owen [Murphy] phoned me out of the blue with the great news that the clan of '70 were sharpening their old rusty weapons an gathering on the battlefield. I'm sorry to see the fallen soldiers. It's as if I knew them yesterday. But life marches inevitably onwards."
'Pop’ also recalled the following vis-a-vis 'Gunner' Curran back in the day when they were valiantly protecting our glorious Republic as involuntary members of the SANDF based at fortress Youngsfield: "Simon definitely put a sheen on my musical tastes in those early, cold dark, shell shocking Youngsfield days. He had these great tapes of not only Traffic but such gems as Keef Hartley (any relation to Kev?), Savoy Brown & Tull. His little taperecorder was an effective antidote to the depression brought on by the constantly screaming two and three stripers that seemed to be everywhere...I remember my first venture out of camp (AWOL?), I beelined for Musica (that must have been the CNA,'Pop)with Simon and a guy called Norman. I donned the shop's headphones to listen to the latest in heaviness. After a blissful minute or two I passed them to Simon who incredulously enquired how I could honestly pretend to appreciate that pile of donkeydung, which really hurt my feelings. He suggested we rather listen to 'Welcome to the Canteen' (Traffic)- my transformation was immediate and permanent.
'Gunner' Curran responded to 'Pop' as follows: "I had no idea that I influenced your musical tastes so much! Actually, I was very much influenced by the George family in my musical tastes back in the day. The three brothers, Jeremy, Jeffrey and Christopher were very well known to me and every Christmas holiday our families used to spend at least a month camping at Gonubie. Traffic, Cream, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin and Moody Blues (I think) were the staple diet of the time. Jeremy was the oldest of the brothers and his days at Gonubie were spent either sleeping or smoking Texans or Luckies and playing his 'geet' in the little home-made caravan that he and Jeffrey shared. When darkness fell, Jeremy became energised and after spraying on some Ban, including on his genitals, he would slink out and seek female company! Gonubie was where I got drunk for the first time (3 beers)and early in the new school year after that particular holiday, a note made its way to me from hand to hand in class one day, informing me that my dastardly drinking exploits continued in the company of people like Stephen Sarantos and Yiangou, Grant, Chris George and others, often taking place at the Summerpride Drive-In scooter booths. While the rest of us more or less kept our disgraceful teenage experimenting to booze and cigarettes, at least one I'm aware of didn't. His boundaries became more and blurred and I believe the police in the USA have accommodated him from time to time. Which reminds me of Ken Carlson once lecturing the 'A' class that they mustn't get too big for their boots thinking they were the top of the heap. He personally knew of many Old Selbornians sitting in jails around the world and they all came from the 'A' class! Hell, when I think of it, I actually had some laughs at Selborne College.
Another of ‘Pop’s’ memories related to something that was uppermost in our minds back then – girls: “Not many people know this: I was probably the only scholar in the entire history of education to accompany two headmasters daughters to formal dances within a period of a year. In 1968 I attended the Matric farewell with Bones Barker's charming offspring as a dare. In 1969 it was the turn of Bunny Stevens' delightful little blond bombshell to experience typical male adolecent passive aggressive charm at close quarters. Neither of these early attempts at networking bore any fruit. Bones, very soon thereafter, brutally caned me for letting off a thunderflash in a Norton House bathroom. He didn't even recognize me as the same person who was so graciously unshered into his lounge a week prior to treat his daughter to one of the highwater mark events of her congested social calender.